Mudra's Day

How does one celebrate this occasion if you have fetal issues with the person who bore you for nine months?


I have been admonished to simply give reverence to the matriarchs of the clan because without them, i will not be alive.  Although true, i would always rebut saying that i was never a product of catholic inspired procreation: no prayers were done before the deed; no incense was burned to consecrate me; no fish was offered to drive the evil spirits away.  In fact, i think lust took over and by chance, something was formed, ME.  And to top it all off, you just had to continuously drum that i had to be a boy.  So sorry for not recognizing your moral authority!!!


How does one appreciate someone who does not accept you for who you are?


I know that you wanted a boy after the eldest girl.  I know you wanted the acceptance of the family who rejected you by giving them their first male grandson.  I know you wanted to protect me from a life that you thought would hurt me for being gay.  But telling me to firm up so that i would not be bullied really didn't help.  What i needed was for you to accept me for who i am.  It would not have mattered what other people told me so long as i knew that i could run to you when the world was bad to me.  I know you did what you thought best.  I though you would have learned from history, i thought wrong!


How does one care for someone who has only provided?


You worked you ass to give us a better life.  You were strict with our school work and tests.  You made sure we had clothes to wear.  But more than that, whatever was happening within, the struggles i had, i was always at fault, i was always wrong, i had to always be the one to adjust. So that's how i relate to you, by providing, nothing more!  I hope that there will come a day that i would have paid back in full all the investments you made in me.  Then, maybe, i could be free of you!


How does one move on from this realization?


You are the shadow that i don't want to see or face.  Many have told me that i really take after you...mannerism, good and bad attitude, even my physical appearance.  I would like things to get better with us, i just don't know where to begin and how to avoid making each encounter explosive!


Anyone?